The Three Big Subjects

There’s a saying in psychotherapy that there are the “three big subjects” which your client may never raise without your prompting them, Sex, Death and Money. No one likes to talk about them even though they may be causing stress in their lives.

Now, if we never ask our clients about sex and death, it may affect the work but it’s unlikely to affect our business. Not so with money.

It’s on me

In private practice it’s our job to ensure that we bring in enough money to pay the bills and to pay ourselves. This is a challenge that doesn’t impact salaried employments to the same extent. When I work for someone else, it’s someone else’s job to make sure that there is enough money to pay my salary, and that it is paid to me at the agreed time.

Not so in self employment. It’s all on me. In private practice, I negotiate the fee and I collect the fee. Which means I have to be willing to talk about money.

But Isn’t it wrong to be focussed on money?

Money is an edgy subject in many ways. We have many examples in our society of money being used inappropriately. For some people, those examples are right on their front doorstep. For example, a parent or former spouse who used money inappropriately to control the family. Or who withheld money when it was needed.

Money is often a shadow in the helping professions and in an effort to not be like those who acquire or use it inappropriately, we can end up short-changing ourselves instead.

Let’s not talk about money!

We often use euphemisms instead of the word money. So, we might talk about abundance or prosperity, which are softer and nicer, but one step away. The thing is, as business owners, we do need to directly engage with money because the mortgage needs to be paid, or the rent needs to be paid, or food needs to be paid for and put on the table. And the bank or the grocery store don’t take prosperity or abundance, they ask for money.

Money is often a metaphor for other things. This varies from person to person. Sometimes money stands for power or choice. Very often money is a metaphor for safety. I know that I feel more secure in myself when I know there’s a sufficient balance in the bank to tide me over for a few weeks or months.

Money as a measure of our worth

And also, of course, it’s a very clear measure for our value. When we work for someone else, our salary is a measure of how much our employer values our work. When we are self employed, our income is a measure of how much we value ourselves.

Like to learn more?

Would you like to learn more about your relationship with money, and how it impacts your private practice? Then you may be interested in my new course, Business & Finance Essentials for Therapists and Healers, now available on Therapy Academy. Read more about it here. Or buy the course here. (It’s on special off this week!)