The old patterns just keep playing don’t they?

There was a missed call on my phone from IAHIP, and a message. When I saw it, what was my first thought? You’re right. “What have I done wrong?” I started a mental cataloguing of who I’d been talking to, what I’d been writing about, trying to prepare myself, so that I would have my answer ready. I must stress here, I have never experienced anything except support, politeness, kindness, attentiveness, respect and professionalism from anyone even vaguely related to IAHIP. So I knew it was nothing to do with IAHIP.

Except the child part of me didn’t know that.

The child part assumes that if PARENT (aka IAHIP) is looking for me, I must be in trouble, I must have done something wrong. I find it hugely frustrating, and give myself a really hard time about it. After all, with all the work I’ve done…

They only wanted to ask me about a workshop I’d applied to attend. False alarm!

As the years go on, I have learned that my first reaction cannot always be trusted. The hyper vigilant switch got stuck in the “on” position a long time ago, and has been dodgy ever since. But it’s not a true test.

How often though, do we give far more power to that frightened child part of ourselves than it deserves. I’m not saying that we should ignore it, of course not. But we need to take the fear and panic with a grain of salt. Just because I got into trouble as a child, does not mean I’m going to get into trouble as an adult. But those patterns keep playing don’t they?

A practitioner recently told me of his fear of failure as we talked about how he was going to promote his practice. Oh, he didn’t call it that. What he said was, “What if I get it wrong, and then someone gets hurt.” And he’s right, there’s a real risk every time we open our mouths, or sit behind the wheel of a car, or engage in real contact with a client. There’s a risk that someone gets hurt.

It might be them, or it might be me. And it might be both, or neither of us.

There was a risk when we first learned to walk too, a risk of falling down. And most if not all of us did just that. We fell down. But thankfully we got back up and kept trying, because being able to walk is a huge gift, and an essential skill if we’re going to go on to all the other things for which walking is presupposed: running, jumping, skipping, dancing, climbing stairs and so on.

We might not know where this next step is going to take us, because we can’t always imagine being able to dance when we haven’t mastered walking. But if we trust ourselves, if we listen to the little voice within, even when it makes no sense, even when the frightened child is screaming that it’s not safe, and we pull ourselves up on those shaky, chubby legs; in no time at all we’re doing the tango!

The trick is to know who is running the show, the cross parent, the frightened child, or (hopefully!) the adult who knows that not all the shadows under the bed are bogey men, and not all calls from IAHIP mean trouble! Ideally, running a practice means having our adult selves in charge, sussing out whether it’s a real threat, or whether it’s a risk worth taking, because what we’re trying to achieve is worth that risk.

If you find that shadows under the bed are stopping you from creating the practice you’d like to have, maybe I can help. Contact me here to make an appointment, or if you’re not sure, to a arrange a free 20 minute consultation.

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