Am I willing to be seen no matter what?

This searching question comes from Nic Askew, Film Maker, in one of his offerings.

It is an interesting question at many levels.

For me, (and I suspect I’m not alone in this) the answer will probably always be a resounding “No!” Most of us were brought up to believe that many aspects of us are unwelcome, unattractive, or just plain wrong. As a result we often invest a lot of energy in NOT being seen for who we really are, for fear of abandonment, criticism, judgement or rejection.

It is a particularly interesting question, I think, in the context of running a private therapy practice. As therapists, we encourage our clients to face and explore their shadow. And in training to do this, we are in turn encouraged to face our own. But even after years of therapy and personal development, I still find myself hiding parts of myself, not just from others, but from myself too.

As a therapist, I AM willing to be seen as the kind, compassionate, understanding helper. Not only am I willing to be seen in this way, but some part of me believes that it is my duty as a therapist to maintain Roger’s “unconditional positive regard” in all circumstances. No pressure, so!

But am I ready to be seen in my vulnerable, grumpy, angry, jealous, greedy, mean or lazy self? Am I ready to be seen in my messy, disorganised or forgetful self? Let me think about that. Probably not. And yet, all of us have these sides to us.

In particular, the question of how we go about getting clients raises these spectres of visibility. Marketing our practices asks us to risk that others will really see us, that they will see our need or desire to have a decent income. As we put ourselves out there as having something to offer the world, we risk that the world will disagree with our view of ourselves. Promoting ourselves and our services asks us to risk making ourselves visible to the world, even though there may be a strong pull to remain partially, if not fully, hidden from view.

However, in my own case I know that my anticipation of the down side of visibility far outweighs the reality. For example, when I started to write these articles, I was sure there would be an avalanche of people waiting to disagree with me or to point out where I’d got it wrong. The opposite has been the case. Those who have commented have been positive and supportive. Perhaps there are detractors out there, but they have been kind enough to keep their views largely to themselves.

My point is, the extent of our willingness to be visible to the world may have little to do with how the world sees us, and more about how we see ourselves. However, it is a huge factor in our ability to generate a steady flow of work.

If this is resonating with you, if you find you have mixed feelings about making yourself more visible, and if you are struggling to find clients for your practice, maybe you’d like to explore this with me. When I work with these issues, I look at both the practical “what to do’s” and the “what gets in the way.” You can contact me here to make an appointment, or if you’re not sure, I offer a free 20 minute consultation.