As we turn into the second quarter of the year, and the evenings are getting a bit longer, New Year’s seems a long time in the past, and with it, any resolutions I might have made that 2016 would be different from 2015.

Do you hate New Year’s Resolutions, setting intentions, making goals or anything that brings in that dreaded spectre of accountability? You’re not alone. Many people hate the whole New Year’s pressure to change our lives and our jobs into something other than what they currently are, even those who really hate where they are! And there’s a paradox in that, isn’t there? We may not be happy with where we are, but really, when it comes to it, often we don’t want to have to do anything to change it. And as therapists, one of our avoidances can be endless analysis and questioning about the whys and wherefores of our current situation.

I was speaking to a practitioner recently about their experience of setting up in practice. I was struck by the question the practitioner said all therapists should ask themselves, Am I ready to receive the clients I say I want?

Obstacles to this readiness to receive may be of the emotional or mind-set variety, or the physical / action variety.

There might be fears or beliefs about what might have to change were I to get the clients I want, and what those changes might involve. There may be a resistance to taking risks, the outcome of which I can’t determine. There may a strong attachment to things being the way they are, or to a belief that things can’t change. There may be a fear about what some change might bring, perhaps leading to bigger unforeseen change, a chain of events that once started can spiral out of control. There can also be a resistance to being clear about what we want, a fear that we SHOULD not ask for it, or that even if we do, we won’t get it.

We are very clever at finding ways to create obstacles for ourelves, by talking our desires down, by focussing on the negatives to the exclusion of the positives, and by sticking rigidly to a way of being that no longer serves us. Sometimes, we may have no idea what the obstacles are, but we know they’re there because up they pop whenever we try to do something different. Ones that have popped up for me in the past are:

• Getting sick on the day I was to make a presentation
• “Forgetting” to turn up to an interview for a new job
• Becoming completely focussed on some minor issue that distracted my attention away from an important current challenge

I’m sure you could add some of your own. I’ve listed a few ideas about what gets in the way to help you below. However, the point of this post is not to invite another round of self-analysis that delays your readiness any further, but to encourage you to get clear about what you want, to side step the obstacles and to move into action!

Think about it this way: You want to learn to drive a car. You get a book out of the library and read it. You go to the pre-driving class, where you learn about road safety and rules of the road. You take the driver theory test. You sit into the car and familiarise yourself with its controls. You look under the hood and learn how to change a light bulb, put in the oil and water, and fill it with petrol. You talk to others who are seasoned drivers and hear their stories. You observe cars on the road and imagine yourself as one of those drivers…

But eventually, if you want to learn to drive, you have to switch on the engine and start to drive. And it’s the same with your practice. You have to move into the place where it can happen.

If you’d like to explore what might stop you from allowing in the practice you say you’d like, or you’d like help moving from the blocks and fears to the possibilities, please contact me here to make an appointment or to avail of your free 20 minute consultation.

Postscript: And for those who really, really want to analyse it further…are there any reasons why it would not be okay (emotionally) to receive more (or better paying) clients into your practice? Typical reasons for unconsciously holding on to situations that don’t serve us might include:

• Safety issues (eg I don’t feel safe if I’m successful, I’m afraid of failure/ getting it wrong, I might lose it again, or be disappointed, or lose my friends) I’ve mentioned before how I became aware of my fear of an unexpected tax bill, which was keeping my practice small.
• Identity issues (eg I won’t know who I am)
• Performance issues (eg More might be expected of me, and I might let others down)
• Rebellion issues: (eg My mother/ father/ spouse might be pleased / disappointed if I were different (either successful or not) and I don’t want to risk that)