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A Hidden Agenda: The Enemy Within
Apart from goal trauma, another thing that stops us from getting what we want is having a hidden agenda. Hidden agendas are motivations that have nothing to do with the issue at hand, but that we are putting into the mix. I have spoken about this in my book “This Business of Therapy” when I talk about the implicit contracts that we can make with clients, such as wanting them to like us, or expecting them to behave in a certain way to match our ideas of how they should be. It’s a common aspect of co-dependency, captured in the unspoken phrase, “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.”
Hidden agendas undermine our goals and intentions
In private practice, our hidden agendas can subtly undermine our goals and intentions. In essence we are refusing to be our best selves because we are still engaged in a dispute with someone about something, and we are refusing to let go. They hold the energy, whether conscious or not of, “I’ll show them.”
Typically, hidden agendas involve proving something to someone. So, I might be proving someone was wrong about me, or proving that I am right about something or someone. There is an element of asserting our innocence and holding to the guilt of others. This might be an issue with a parent or other family member, or it might be proving something to ourselves. Whatever form it takes, the result is the same. It is like having an enemy on the team, one who is secretly playing for the other side.
When I get this, feel this, hear this…
In my own life, I have spent a lot of energy proving my worthiness through what I do. Of course, if you think about it for even a few moments, you’ll recognise that if I’m trying to prove something, there must be a part of me that isn’t convinced. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I have been playing these hidden agendas, “When I do this… then I’ll know I’m good enough,” or “When I get this appreciation or acknowledgement…” or “When this person says ‘I was wrong about you…,’ then I’ll know…”
And of course, it never happens. Or if it does it’s a disappointment because it’s not big enough, or fulsome enough. Or sometimes when I feel a deep fear about the way something is going to turn out, my agenda is that some part of me doesn’t want it to work out, because I want to prove that my views about the world are right.
If we don’t bring them to consciousness, they’ll bring more disappointment
Part of this is the goal trauma of trying so hard in the past but not getting what I really want, and then there’s the hidden agenda. The goal trauma needs to be mourned and healed. The hidden agenda is a different cookie. Because by its nature, it’s hidden, even from ourselves. If it isn’t flushed out it’s just going to go on creating opportunities for me to be disappointed.
As we are in life, so we are in private practice. Just because we’re good at being a therapist doesn’t mean we can create a therapy business. Learning about running a business and developing the skills we need will take us a long way. But if our energy is tied up in hidden agendas, they will sabotage our efforts. We may find ourselves struggling to attract clients, or to attract those who will pay us, or those who will stay. We may find ourselves incurring unexpected expenses or running into unforeseen challenges.
If you find your efforts to create your practice are running into unexpected difficulties, maybe you have a hidden agenda working against you? And maybe I can help. Contact me here.