Jumping, Ambivalence and the Power of Making Choices

I’m the wimp of our family when it comes to any risk of physical injury. Where my brothers and sisters inherited the “neck or nothing” gene, I seem to have missed out. While they hunted and rode as children, I fell off and got such a scare that I refused to go back. I was ten or eleven. I have been making excuses for years for not skiing with them (the usual excuse is my knees), but the truth is, I’m terrified of getting hurt. Not some intellectual head based fear this, I’m talking wet hands, shaking body, palpitations, no speech and liquid insides.

It’s a bit odd then to find myself in my fifties on horseback learning to ride all over again. (No jokes about midlife crises please!) I’m getting pretty confident doing the ground work, but jumping still brings up all that fear. Today, I went three times over the crossed poles from a trot. That’s very small beer for most riders, but it’s Everest for me.

Approaching the jump, there’s a couple of things that have to be considered: lining up, getting the pace right, tipping forward into jumping position at the right time and probably most important, commitment. You see, when I’m ambivalent, the horse knows it. I’ve tried it. She refuses, or she runs wide, or she knocks the poles. She’s not being difficult, or bold, she’s actually responding accurately to the message I’m giving out. And when I’m ambivalent, the message is mixed.

When I’m clear, she jumps beautifully every time.

What’s all this got to do with running your own practice? Good question. You see, as therapists we’re taught to have a sort of reverence for ambivalence. We should embrace it, explore it, embody it, and see it as normal or healthy, and all this is good and proper when we’re in there in the therapy room with the client. However, when it comes to running a practice, or indeed any business, ambivalence gets in the way. We give out muddled messages to ourselves, to clients, to referrers, and to the universe about what we want. And true to form, muddle is what we get back.

And this is where choice comes in. I know from the 5 years it has taken me to reclaim enough confidence to go over that little crossed pole that the key to my success is making a choice. Jump it, or don’t jump it, but whichever you choose, do it wholeheartedly. If I choose to jump, I have to be prepared (a la Gone With The Wind) to throw my heart over the fence first.

So whether it’s talking to someone about what you do, setting up a website, or asking for your fee, get clear about what you want first, and then go for it. Make your choice at a level you can comfortably stand behind. I have found the simple technique of making and standing by my choice to be an invaluable one in my practice, as well as my jumping. Where will you use it in yours?

If I can help you with any aspect of growing your practice, please contact me here with your query or to avail of a free 20 minute consultation.