What Do You Want For and From Your Practice?
What is your desire for your practice, for your clients, and for yourself? It’s an interesting question, and I wonder how much time you have given to it.
How much detail can you create about your desire before you interrupt yourself with something. It might be, “I never get what I want,” or, “It will be too difficult,” or, “I have to settle for what I can get.” Or it might be any one of a myriad of other obstacles that we put in the way of expressing what our desire is.
I know for myself that as quickly as the spark of desire comes up, I flatten it with the memory of past disappointments. Recently, I had occasion to dream about my workshop series. I had created a vision of what we were going to do. I could feel the enjoyment of working together with my friend, Monica. I had imagined exercises we might do together as a group. I had created a vision of sharing with participants the process of going from their idea for their therapy practice, through each step in the creative process, all the way to manifestation.
But it didn’t go ahead. In the disappointment, I tortured myself with self-doubt. I asked myself if the market just wasn’t ready, if people weren’t that interested, if my instinct for what was needed was wrong or I was doing it all wrong or I was wasting my time. I still don’t know the answers to those questions.
The point I’m making is that we cannot avoid failure and disappointment, but we choose how we experience them, think about them and hold them.
One choice is to deaden our desire, to pretend we don’t want or need anything from anyone. When I was first qualified, I inhabited this place for a long time. And I truly believed I didn’t want to be paid well for my work. I was willing to receive the gift of being allowed to enter my client’s world, the gift of seeing them heal and grow, the gift of inner peace free from the demanding corporate life I had previously lived.
But gradually, my desire has re-emerged. I find myself not so satisfied with the intangible benefits of the work I do. I still love to see clients healing and growing, I still love the gift of being admitted deep into their confidence and trusted with their inner most places. And I also love to know that I have not just enough money to meet the basic needs, but also enough to enjoy time with friends and family, holidays, nice food, and other comforts. It’s okay to have these needs, and it’s okay to meet them, and it’s also okay to ask my clients to pay me a fair fee for the work I do and the skills and experience I offer to them.