Personal Power


I often hear therapists talking about self esteem, and how a lack of self worth can hinder them in taking action to grow their practice. An important ingredient of self-esteem is personal power.

Many people react negatively to the word POWERFUL assuming it means threatening or domineering. As many have experienced being on the receiving end of others’ misuse of power, this can prevent us from fully embracing power in an Imageappropriate way. Power is not the same as oppression, which involves using power OVER someone else, to coerce, intimidate or manipulate them against their will.

Personal power used appropriately comes from finding and being yourself, which we all know is not as easy as it sounds. Society, school, and family often convince us that who we really are is less important than who they think we should be.

Practising Spontaneity

One way of practising personal power is to be spontaneous. Taking a risk to say something without censoring, reaching out to someone in affection, following through on a hunch or suspicion, or having fun, all help to ground us more firmly in who we are without the layers of “What others might think.” Practice allowing your spontaneous self to have a voice. You might be surprised!

When you get to know yourself and how you feel, you can be more confident and flexible because your frame of reference is yourself. You decide what you want or feel, and then act accordingly, rather than waiting for someone else to make the first move and then reacting.

Consider the principle of action rather than reaction. Instead of waiting for the inevitable to happen, pre-empt it, and make a proposal rather than hanging back. What are you waiting for?

Shifting our Focus

Sometimes our motivation for action gets stuck in what’s going on for the other person and we tell ourselves:

They’re too young

They’re too weak

They’re too sick

They’re incapable in some way

And maybe they are, but how we see ourselves in the situation can block our access to resources that might help us, for example, when we think that our clients cannot live their lives without our help. We are the ones who create the trap, not the others in our lives.

Allowing Ourselves to Receive

Allowing others to do something for you, allowing yourself to receive, saying yes for yourself, are all ways we can practice our personal power appropriately in our practice. That doesn’t mean that you have to always make the first move, but if you know what you like or dislike, what suits and doesn’t suit, where your limits and boundaries are, and allow yourself occasionally to stand up for what you like, it goes a long way towards building your self-esteem. A good example of this is in fee setting. Decide your lower limit before you engage in discussion about it with a client.

Taking Responsibility

Owning your power appropriately also includes taking responsibility for yourself, your actions and your feelings. This is not the same as taking the blame. It means looking at your life and the people around you and acknowledging your part in the way it is

This works in two ways:

If your life is not to your liking: Make choices

Instead of blaming others, look at ways of possible and reasonable change.

Change your circumstances or your attitude

The second thing you can do is to acknowledge responsibility for the good things in your life

Your achievements

Your efforts

Your abilities

Notice and be grateful for what goes well, and for the how much more that works well, than what doesn’t

Being powerful means choosing to be who you are, not who you think you should be, nor who your mother or society thinks you should be, or the person you need to be to get approval. That can be a tall order, but a little change here and there, can make a huge difference.