Our Time is Up!


Setting and holding firm boundaries is an important aspect of self care. It helps us to mind ourselves in the work, and reminds us that our needs are important too. It is also an important aspect of modelling for our clients. An ability to set and hold boundaries is an important skill in the business of having a therapy practice too, as it gives some priority to the therapist’s needs as well as the clients. If we can’t hold to the contracts we make, with ourselves and with others, we will find it difficult to earn a living as a therapist.

Time business concept.One place in which these boundaries arise is in relation to time. A colleague told me recently of her difficulty getting one particular client to leave at the end of their sessions. She had raised the issue several times with the client, and in supervision, but nothing seemed to work.

What would you do?

You know the situation, we have all experienced it in some shape or form…

  • the client that always brings in something new just before the end of the session
  • or asks a really interesting question just as they’re about to leave
  • or becomes distressed just before the end of the session
  • or really only starts to get to the issue in the last ten minutes
  • or who starts to run their sentences one into another so you can’t get a word in edgeways

Sometimes it can be hard to interrupt and enforce the boundary. Some of the difficulties include:

  • Not wanting to be rude
  • Not wanting to let the client leave while they’re still distressed
  • You really like the client and enjoy the sessions with them
  • That really is an interesting issue they’ve just brought in
  • You’ve analysed it from the client’s point of view, from your point of view, you’ve practised what you want to say, and still when the end of the session comes, they’re still there…

This brief article is not an attempt to interpret or understand what might be underlying the client’s behaviour, or what might be your problem dealing with it. Neither is it attempting to say that there are never circumstances when you might feel it is appropriate to run past the agreed time. This is attempting to give you some practical ideas about how to manage the problem, so that you can grow that muscle that you need to grow. Try one or more of the following:

  • Be clear about your goal, for example, I want the session to finish on time
  • Be clear about why you want it, for example
    • I like to be punctual, or
    • I like to have a break between sessions so that I can clear my head, or
    • It’s MY job to respect my boundaries.
  • Role play it with a colleague, and see what comes up for you. Try out the following suggestions and see which work best for you.
  • Set an expectation with the client at the beginning of the session, for example by saying
    • “We have until 5”; or
    • “We have an hour, how would you like to use your time today?”
  • When it comes to 10 minutes before the end of the session, interrupt whatever is happening, and remind the client that they have 10 minutes left ,for example by saying,
    • “I can see this is important to you, and I just want to remind you…;” or
    • “Before you tell me any more about that, I want to remind you…”
  • Start winding down five minutes before the time is up, for example by saying
    • “It’s time to wind up for today”
    • “We’ve come to the end of our time”
  • Pick up your diary to signal the session has ended, and say clearly, “Our time is up”
  • Stand up, and repeat, “Our time is up.”
  • Even if the client continues to speak, move to the door and repeat, “Our time is up” (broken record style)
  • DON’T apologise. DON’T justify. DON’T make excuses. Just be firm and kind, and keep repeating “Our time is up.”
  • If necessary, set your clock five minutes fast and place it where your client can see it. Draw your client’s attention to the clock, and say, “Our time is up.”

It is your job to hold the boundary, and not the client’s. And if you don’t respect your own limits, how can you expect them to? While we might like them to pick up our subtle suggestions that they’ve overstayed their welcome, sometimes we need to be more obvious about it!

If you struggle with this or any other aspect of minding your practice, I may be able to help. Contact me here for your free 20 minute consultation.