recently, I wrote about contracts with clients, and the value of committing them to writing. I was talking there about the explicit contract, the practical issues of how the structure of the work will look.

While the terms of the explicit contract are discussed and agreed, there is another level at which the contract is implicit. It varies from client to client, and is largely unconscious.  This may or may not be brought into the foreground as the work develops, either way, I find it useful to explore for myself what I bring to the implicit contract.

This was brought home to me during the week, as I struggled to understand what is happening in a business relationship that I am currently experiencing some challenges in.

The following questions help to explore it for me:

What needs am I expecting to have met in this relationship?

As therapist, sometimes I’d like to believe that all the need is on the side of the client, and that I have no needs in the relationship. However, while the client may need help, my needs may be less obvious. I have a need to be liked, to be appreciated, to feel I’m having an impact, and to earn a living. In what way might I be expecting my client to meet these needs, and if they’re not being met, how is that for me?

What do I expect of the client?

Again, as therapist, I may focus on the client’s expectations of me, and I may or may not know what these are. On the face of it, their expectations may be of being heard, or understood, or helped in some way. On face of it, my expectations may be around their attendance and their willingness to engage. At a more subtle level however, perhaps my expectations are deeper. I realized recently, for example, in relation to one client, that I have quite a strong expectation of them to want to change. In my realization, I find myself wondering whether it is reasonable or indeed ethical to have such expectations.

How do I want my client to see me?

I do want my clients to see me as someone who is approachable, that they can feel safe with, and someone who both supports them and challenges them on their journey. (There’s more of course, but they’re the main ones.) However, sometimes they don’t see me like that, and more to the point, sometimes I am not like that! Which leads me on to the next question…

What do I NOT want my client to see in me?

This list could last several pages!! All those aspects of myself that I have disowned or denied or fought long and hard to change in myself come to mind. How does my desire to hide them impact on the relationship between us? For example, is it hard for me with this client to admit that I got it wrong, I messed up, or I put my foot in it? Is it hard with this client to name my fear, or my anger? How do I feel about my client knowing that I need their money, the fee that they will pay me, to pay my bills and make ends meet?

Where do my values and the client’s values meet? And where are the differences?

Recently, as I listened to a client relate something that was happening for her, I realized that I believed what she was doing was wrong when measured by my values. Immediately, I have a dilemma. How do I stay true to myself (ie be congruent) and at the same time acknowledge and honour the client’s values and beliefs? (If you’re curious, in that situation I fudged it. I said I could see how important it was to the client, but didn’t name my discomfort. I would like to get to the stage where I can openly name the difference between us, and be okay with that. Work in progress!!)

All of these questions can also be asked from the perspective of the client. And in time, it may be possible to bring these questions into the room between us. I have also explored some of these issues in an article I wrote for Inside Out in 2009. You can read it here. I find it fascinating to see how the answers to these questions vary hugely from client to client, as we create the relationship together. With some clients some aspects of myself are brought more sharply into focus, aspects that with another client may be almost invisible.

Why do I raise these issues here? In a blog concerned with the business aspects of having a self-employed therapy practice? Well, when there are aspects of ourselves that we don’t want others (in this context, our clients) to see, we tie up a lot of our energy in keeping them hidden. This is energy that could be used for other aspects of our business. In addition, when there aspects of ourselves that we cannot own, directly or indirectly, we will find it hard to completely own our own power in that situation. And I’m not talking about the kind of power that dominates others. I’m talking the kind of inner power that comes from truly being able to be all of ourselves.

If you need help with any aspect of your practice, please contact me here for a free 20 minute consultation or leave your comments or questions in the box below.

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