I Don’t Want To Be Like That…


For some time when I first started practice, I was plagued by calls from an online advertising agency who wanted my business. Their approach was pushy and aggressive, persistent and intrusive. They always managed to call when I had just started to eat, or relax with a book. It drove me mad. I felt like I was being assaulted in my own home.

stop handMy upbringing asked of me that I always be polite, and respectful of what other people had to say. I can find it difficult to say “No” directly. So I was polite to these callers, and declined their services as best I could. The calls kept coming. Eventually, I found a way to manage it by asking for my number to be removed from their call list.

The memory lived on. I found that every time I started to tell someone about my work, I would be flooded with shame and fear that I too was being pushy and aggressive; in other words, that I was being like those callers.

You’ve probably had a similar experience in some area of your life. Someone you know or met during your life whose behaviour overstepped what you believed to be appropriate and you decided never to be like that. Perhaps it was a family member or teacher who used their power abusively. Perhaps it was someone who was very attached to money and wealth, to the extent that they used it against you or other people. Maybe it was someone who used a difficult situation in their life to manipulate others to do their will.

Whatever the situation was, you were probably making a conscious choice to be different from something you see as wrong. However, your decision not to be like that person or those people, while seemingly righting a wrong, may be holding you back from taking action that could serve you. In the example above, I used my negative experience of those cold callers to hold me back from promoting my practice at all.

Does it follow that if I promote my practice that I am being pushy and aggressive too? Of course it doesn’t, but our minds don’t always work like that.

The point I’m trying to make (somewhat laboriously!) is that in an effort to avoid one thing, we can inadvertently cut ourselves off from resources that would be useful for us. That one thing we are trying to avoid (because we experienced an extreme example of it), could if used in a smaller, more positive way, hold the key to something we’ve been struggling with. So someone in your past who behaved inappropriately around money or power may have something to offer you.

So next time someone really triggers you, ask yourself what’s the gift they are offering you? What have they got to teach you? In what way could you claim the little tiny part of you that’s like them, so that it could serve you in some way?

If you struggle with any aspect of running or growing your practice, I’d be glad to help you. Contact me here for a free 20 minute consultation, or to make an appointment.