How is What We Do Different From a Chat with a Friend?


“How is therapy different from a chat with a friend?” This was the question posed by Dr Genevieve Becker at a one of our workshops for therapists wanting to start their own practices.

We all know there is a difference, but how do we explain it? The challenge is to put words on chat 1something which is often far from clear. Often we define our work by reference to what it is not: It is not a chat with a friend, it is not giving advice or having a solution to their problems.

So what is it that we do?

The question is an important one because it goes to the heart of how we promote our services. In order to invite people to avail of our services, and pay us to provide them, we need to have a clear idea about what we do and what they can reasonably expect.

Too often as therapists we explain in our language, our terms, and our understanding. We explain what we do in terms of our training or theories or approaches, all of which make perfect sense to us, but may mean little to someone outside the profession.

And too often, we see the work from inside our world, whereas clients or other professionals see the world from their own unique perspective. Take doctors for example. They are used to a model that is one of analysing the symptoms the patient is bringing, finding the appropriate diagnosis and applying the appropriate remedy. It is very much a model of identify and cure or fix, where the remedy comes from outside of the patient, as expertise, medication or surgery.

chat 2Much of our work, on the other hand, focuses on supporting the client to accept and acknowledge their situation, and holding the possibility that change is just one of a range of possible outcomes. It is a model of support from within the relationship, which may or may not result in external changes in their lives. Sometimes a client will come to the work with a diagnosis from another professional, but often they will not. Often too, a client will come with expectations of what the process can deliver, and may find something completely different. A client may come to therapy wanting the external circumstances of their life to change, or in the words of Mary Oliver, wanting you to “mend their life,” something of course that is not within the control or influence of the therapist.

On the other hand, it is not appropriate to say that you can achieve a particular outcome, when clearly you cannot!

The challenge is to find a way to express what we do in a manner that captures the process accurately but also meets a client’s need for hope that the process can be of some help to them.

So what do we do? Here are some ideas to help you make the inexpressible a little more concrete:

  1. Put yourself in the shoes of the other (client or referrer). What are they hoping you will bring them? What is the problem they are struggling with, and what are they hoping to achieve? What are they hoping the process will give them?
  2. Use your clients’ words rather than technical jargon, wherever possible. Listen to what your clients say about how they experience the work with you. They will probably talk about how they feel in your presence, or how they have learned to see themselves or their lives differently as a result of the work.
  3. If you find it hard to put words on it, get more specific. Think about a client with whom the work went well. What changes did you see in them at the end of the work? How would the client describe how they were different?
  4. Try out any new marketing material on some non-therapists first. Listen carefully to their feedback.
  5. Use visual images to support your words. Colours, logos and pictures can convey more easily something that may be eluding you. What atmosphere are you trying to convey? What words would you use to describe what it is like to do this work?
  6. If you have a special interest or niche, try the following formula:
    • I help these people….(age, gender, life stage, nationality, circumstances etc)
    • Who have this problem….(presenting issue, struggle or problem etc)
    • To…(Feel better about themselves or their lives, communicate better, find ways of coping, move towards acceptance etc)

If you’re struggling to express what you do, maybe I can help? Please contact me here to make an appointment or to avail of a free 20 minute consultation.

 

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