Holding People Accountable
I have said in many previous posts that if a therapy practice is not growing into the place you would like it to be, if it is not progressing past the early sapling stage into a mature tree, then there may be some underlying issues about money, wealth or deserving going on under the surface.
One of the really tricky things about looking at money issues in relation to establishing and developing a therapy practice is that money can be a metaphor for other things, such as love, security or power. Because of that, money issues can turn up as something quite unconnected to money, and other issues can express themselves through money. We are all aware of how a client can be talking about one thing, but there is another issue deeper under the surface which is also being explored.
I grew up in a Catholic family and went to Catholic school. I heard a lot about forgiveness. There was a lot of pressure to resolve differences and restore the equilibrium. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against forgiveness, or the Catholic Church. However, people process experiences at different speeds, and sometimes an upset can be hurried towards resolution too soon. The danger in this is that the hurt goes underground. And unacknowledged hurt or wounding can fester in the shadow, until someone or something triggers it, and all the bile spews out.
When we have not received the apology or the recompense we feel is appropriate, some part of us is left feeling that we are owed. When this happens we can find subtle and well disguised ways of holding accountable those who we see are responsible for our hurt. In her book, The Language of Letting Go, Melody Beattie says, “Punitive damages are awarded in court, but not in recovery.” But the part of us that wants vengeance may not understand this.
If we are still holding on to an old wound, waiting to be compensated for the hurt we have felt, our bank balance may speak to the truth of that, even if the wounding had nothing whatsoever to do with money. “You owe me,” may be reflected in financial disappointments, investments that go sour, and unexpected costs or losses. In terms of our practices, we may experience clients not paying, or letting us down, being overly demanding or in some other way literally leaving us owed.
“You owe me,” can play out in small dishonesties, such as not fulfilling our responsibilities to an employer, or understating our income for taxes. It can be disguised, for example, by excessive generosity which leaves other people in our debt, or being excessively pedantic in money matters and counting each cent. If we have been selfless in a relationship and feel resentful that our needs are unimportant in relation to others, we may be holding out for our payback. “You owe me,” may also be recognised in having to invest more work or energy than others for less return. Or specifically in the context of a therapy practice, feeling demanded of by clients.
Another way to understand this is that we unconsciously equate money with love. A healthy bank balance symbolises that we are loved (by our paying clients). However, when we have unacknowledged wounding, it does not allow us to be loved, because our ongoing struggle is evidence of how much we have been hurt. To be financially healthy when we have unresolved hurts and wounds could be to minimise or even trivialise our past experiences. This can act as an unconscious bar to creating a practice that is financially viable.
Does any of this resonate with you? Remember, your unconscious is always looking out for your best interests, even if it doesn’t appear so! My wish is that you be kind and compassionate with yourself in exploring these ideas. And if I can help with any of that, I’d love to hear from you. Contact me here.