Handling Criticism


They say that we find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t.[1]

Yesterday, someone close to me criticised me unjustly for something I hadn’t done.

I hate that!

When the dust had settled, I asked them to acknowledge that I was right and they were wrong. They were unrepentant. We stood there staring at each other, each convinced of our own righteousness, each holding on to our conviction that we were the injured party.

I always find it hard to let go of that sort of situation, as if something in me needs to be acknowledged by the other person before I can move on. Maybe it’s because as kids we were always forced to say sorry whether we felt sorry or not, or whether we thought we were in the wrong or not.

Later, as I tried to sort out the pros and cons, and understand what it is in me that gets so stuck in these situations, I realised how much of my life I could waste waiting for something to come from outside that isn’t going to come.

umbrellaOften the fear of being criticised will hold me back from doing something which could benefit my practice. I imagine how my actions will be percieved by others, and often my imagination tells me they won’t like what I’m doing. In truth, this is usually an indicator that I don’t like what I’m doing, or that I’m scared of taking the next step, and I’m using the possibility of someone’s harsh judgement to hold me back.

Dale Carnegie[2] has this advice for dealing with criticism: Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.

I can no more avoid criticism (justified or not) than I can avoid the rain. And railing against the injustice of it is as futile as fighting with the rain. Furthermore, fighting with the rain and focusing on the wet weather keeps me from fully engaging with, and enjoying those aspects of my life that are working well. In the same way, focusing on other people’s opinions can distract me from what is going well in my practice and from taking steps to look after my practice in the way that suits me.

Do you find yourself getting lost down these rabbit holes? If fear of the opinions or criticism of others is holding you back from taking actions that might help your practice, maybe I can help you. Contact me here to make an appointment or to avail of your free 20 minute consulation.


[1] Frank A Clark

[2] How to Stop Worrying and Start Living